The past 36 hours have been quite terrifying. The last thing a pet owner ever expects is to see their beloved pet and best friend as roadkill in the middle of a busy intersection. Yet there I was, standing on the corner, frozen in disbelief. My mom's dog—her constant companion who never left her side—had gone missing just hours before. Now, he lay there in the middle of the road, his lifeless body a heartbreaking sight. I’ll spare the gruesome details, but his injuries were so severe that it’s a vision I’ll never forget. Seeing him like that was like a punch to the gut, a sudden reminder of how fragile life is.
The shock of it all has been overwhelming, leaving a heavy weight in my chest that I can’t seem to shake. My mom is heartbroken, and seeing her in that much pain is unbearable. It’s hard to put into words what it's like to witness someone you love go through such a loss, especially when the one who was lost was so deeply cherished. For a moment, I felt the urge to shut down, to numb myself from the wave of emotions crashing over me.
For most of us compulsive gamblers, that urge to numb out is all too familiar. We used gambling as a way to escape, to run away from our pain and problems. The highs and lows of betting, the rush of adrenaline—it all helped us forget, even if just for a moment. Lately, I’ve felt those old urges creeping back in, whispering to me like a familiar voice calling me home.
These feelings started surfacing a few weeks ago. This time of year has always been my favorite: the crisp air, the changing leaves, and, of course, football season. In the past, football season was my favorite time to gamble. I would get caught up in the excitement, blindly wagering money I didn't have on games I barely understood, just to feel something—anything—to fill the void.
Then, just days before we found Benny, I got an email from one of the sportsbooks I used to use. It said that my self-exclusion period was up and that I could now place bets again. It felt like they were dangling temptation right in front of me, as if they knew I might be vulnerable, as if they knew exactly how to lure me back in.
When Benny died, that temptation grew even stronger. My mind slipped back into old patterns, searching for a way out, a way to forget. In the past, I would have given in, rushing back to my old habits, finding any excuse to place a bet and escape the pain I was feeling. But now, I know better. I’m learning to recognize these urges for what they are: temporary and not worth the cost. I’m trying to cope with these emotions in healthier ways, even when everything feels overwhelming.
I wish I could say it's easy, but it’s not. Every day feels like a battle, especially with everything going on right now. But I’m holding on, reminding myself why I chose this path in the first place. I want to be present for my mom, to support her as she grieves, and to show myself that I can get through this without falling back into old patterns.
Through all this, I keep catching myself thinking, “Just one bet won’t hurt” or “Maybe I could gamble just on weekends; that would be fine.” But the real answer is: it won’t. It will never be just one bet or only on the weekends. NEWSFLASH: they play other sports throughout the week. And that leads me to ask the age-old question for us compulsive gamblers: “Can a compulsive gambler ever gamble again?”
The Risks of Returning to Gambling
For most compulsive gamblers, returning to any form of gambling presents significant risks. Here’s why:
The "Just One More" Fallacy: Many who struggle with gambling addiction believe they can have just one more bet and then stop. Unfortunately, for a compulsive gambler, “just one more” rarely ends with a single bet. The very nature of addiction is a loss of control. Even after years of abstinence, a single bet can trigger a rapid return to the compulsive gambling cycle.
Neuroplasticity and Memory: The brain remembers the patterns associated with addiction. Neuroplasticity, or the brain’s ability to reorganize itself, means that pathways formed during addiction can quickly be reactivated. Just one gambling session can bring back the habits and cravings that led to addiction in the first place.
Progressive Nature of Addiction: Gambling addiction is often compared to other forms of addiction, such as alcoholism or drug dependence. Many recovering gamblers find that their addiction is progressive; that is, it worsens over time. Even after a period of abstinence, returning to gambling can lead to faster escalation and more severe consequences than before.
Triggers and Environmental Cues: Casinos, sportsbooks, and online gambling platforms are designed to be highly stimulating. They trigger the brain’s reward system, making it incredibly challenging for a recovering addict to resist. Exposure to these environments can bring back memories and feelings associated with gambling, increasing the temptation to gamble again.
Why Some Believe They Can Gamble Again
Despite the overwhelming evidence that returning to gambling can be dangerous, some compulsive gamblers still believe they can control their behavior if they gamble in moderation. This belief is often rooted in a desire to reclaim a sense of normalcy and control over their lives. For some, the idea of never gambling again feels too restrictive or even unrealistic.
However, it's essential to recognize that these feelings often stem from a lack of understanding of the true nature of addiction. Gambling is not a habit that can be moderated for someone who is addicted; it's a compulsive behavior that requires complete abstinence to achieve recovery.
Is There Any Safe Way?
So, can a compulsive gambler ever gamble again? The safest answer, supported by most addiction experts and recovery programs, is no. For a compulsive gambler, gambling in any form is likely to reignite the addiction, undoing months or years of hard-earned progress.
While some people might manage to gamble moderately after struggling with addiction, these cases are rare and often fraught with risk. It's crucial to weigh the potential dangers against the perceived benefits of returning to gambling. Is the short-term thrill worth the long-term consequences?
What’s the Alternative?
Instead of considering a return to gambling, those in recovery can focus on finding new hobbies and interests that provide fulfillment and excitement. Engaging in activities that stimulate the brain's reward system in healthier ways—such as exercise, creative endeavors, or building meaningful relationships—can help fill the void that gambling once occupied.
Support groups, like those found in recovery communities or the 'Compulsive Gamblers in Recovery' Discord server, can also be invaluable. These communities provide understanding, encouragement, and shared experiences that can help a person stay on track.
For compulsive gamblers, the desire to gamble again can be strong. However, it’s important to remember the risks involved. Gambling is a game where the odds are stacked against you, and for someone with a history of addiction, the cost of "just one bet" can be far too high. A life free from gambling might feel challenging at first, but with time, effort, and support, it is possible to build a rewarding and fulfilling future without returning to the grip of addiction.
Stay grinding, stop gambling. Life gets better. One day at a time.
