In My Next Twenty- Nine Years

 March 31st marks my twenty-ninth trip around the sun. In my first twenty nine years of living, my biggest regret is not the gambling itself but the time it took from me. Time that could have been spent building a life filled with meaningful experiences and connections. However, with every day that passes in recovery, I'm reminded that while I cannot change the past, I have the power to shape my future.

In my twenties, a time when many are exploring their passions, building careers, and laying the foundations for their future, I was caught in a cycle of addiction. Opportunities for career advancement were overlooked, and personal milestones were overshadowed by the immediate need to feed my addiction. But after nearly 300 days abstaining, I have been able to advance in my career. One that has been very rewarding to this day, and will continue to be moving forward. 

Now, as I approach 30, I'm learning to live with the regrets of my past while also using them as a foundation for a brighter future. The lessons learned from battling gambling addiction are lessons of resilience, the importance of support systems, and the strength that comes from facing one's demons.

What has helped me these past 300 plus days?

Self exclusion: By self-excluding you're telling the casino/ sportsbooks you know you have a problem and are not allowing yourself to gamble anymore. These laws vary by state as well as the maximum amount of time you can self-exclude. Some states such as Illinois consider it a lifetime ban. However after 5 years, you can remove yourself from the ban list. If self-exclusion is not an option for the compulsive gambler, there is an app/website that can block all gambling sites. Gamban is an easy alternative which blocks online gambling from all devices including on a laptop. The downfall is there is a small price to keep these on any device. 

 

Heres a link to the Illinois gaming board website with more information on self-excluding here in Illinois. 

Finding support system: Finding a support system is key to overcoming any kind of addiction let alone a gambling addiction. When I first sought out help, I went right to the internet. A rabbit hole later on the interwebs, I found the r/problemgambling and r/gamblingaddiction reddit communities and started finding support there. Reading the stories from other people going through similar hard times and seeing them come out stronger gave me the courage to stop gambling and keep abstaining. Knowing I was and am not alone in this fight of addiction was what kept me going back to the reddit community daily.

I went to a handful of Gamblers Anonymous meetings and SMART recovery meetings at the start. I add both to my recovery tool belt and whenever I start to feel an urge, I join one of the many meetings going on throughout the world daily.

The biggest one has been my creation of the “Compulsive Gamblers in Recovery” discord server: https://discord.gg/xwER4Ndw. Join today for more support and to talk to other compulsive gamblers. We are trying to build a supportive community and help each other get through our gambling addictions.

Therapy: Identifying underlying issues therapy can help individuals uncover the root causes of their addiction. Often, we are using or have used gambling to cope with unresolved emotional or psychological issues such as depression, anxiety or trauma. Through therapy, we can learn healthier coping mechanisms to replace our gambling habits. For Instance, when I feel an urge or during the times I gambled heavy in the past, I replaced those times with going for a walk (before, during or after work) or volunteering at Feed My Starving Children (after work). Other forms might include stress reduction techniques, relaxation exercises and mindfulness practices.

As Tim McGraw says in his song “My Next Thirty Years”: 

My next 30 years I'm gonna settle all the scores

Cry a little less, laugh a little more

Find a world of happiness without hate and fear

Figure out just what I am doing here, in my next thirty years.

Stay grinding, stop gambling. Life gets better. One day at a time.

Finding Strength in Honesty: Navigating Recovery and Relationships After Revealing My Gambling Addiction

My last bet date was May 7th, 2023. At that time, my family knew I had dabbled in gambling but not to the extent I was active. Why would they? I hid so much of it from them. They did not know how much debt I got myself into to fund my gambling. It was not until May 8th, when I talked with my mom about my problems first after asking her for money to pay off my credit card. Of course, she did not give me that money. That would have been too easy. We talked about it and finally learned the true reason why my parents divorced many years ago. My dad had similar issues with gambling. So clearly, she had to inform others close to me about those same issues.

This led to me eventually telling my significant other at the time and coming clean to her. When I did tell her, I instantly fell to my knees to ask for forgiveness. I right away gave her access to all my financial accounts, credit cards, and cash. Over the course of the next few days, things definitely started to turn more rocky. The trust was lost. I was defeated. I knew a change needed to be made but I stayed stuck. I did not show her I was willing to make those necessary changes. I kept moving as if nothing happened. Maybe If I had shown her I was making an attempt, she would not have left? They say, “third times a charm” right? Wrong. Few days, and many tears later, she finally told me to leave what was our dream apartment, and that she did not want us anymore.

My friends on the other hand were supportive once I told them. They did not hear about it much until after the break up. But they all helped guide me in a positive light and for that, I am forever grateful. Looking back to the times we would all hang out, I should have known I had an issue when a friend of a friend made a comment about me always being on my phone and in the corner of the room. But I was active in my addiction at the time. Of course, nothing would have come from it, I did not think it was a problem at the time. And now overhearing her say that comment, will forever live on in my head. I am grateful to still have them all in my life.

I am forever grateful for my mom. Opening up to her first made everything easier. She welcomed me home with open arms and has been supportive of everything I have done since. From going to therapy, attending SMART recovery meetings on the weekends away, staying up late at night to write these blogs and giving me a place to live. She has been a big part of my recovery to this point. 

In every healthy and loving relationship, honesty is the bedrock upon which trust is built. However, there are certain topics that can be particularly difficult to broach with a significant other or friends and family, and one of these is a gambling addiction. The fear of judgment, shame and potential consequences can make it tempting to keep such a problem hidden. Nevertheless, we will explore the reasons why it is essential to be open and honest with your loved ones about your gambling addiction.  

Strengthening Trust:

Trust is the foundation of any strong and lasting relationship. Being open about our gambling addiction, even when it is difficult, demonstrates your commitment to transparency and honesty. When your friends and family know that you trust them enough to share your struggles, it can strengthen the trust and bond between you, which can bring you closer together. 

 

Building a strong support system: 

Dealing with a gambling addiction can be an overwhelming and isolating experience. By confiding in them you open the door to building a support system. They can offer emotional support, encouragement, and help you find resources to address your addiction. 

When it comes to talking with your family and friends about these issues, here is a list of what you should do: 

1. Choose the right time and place: Timing Is crucial when discussing sensitive topics such as an addiction. Find a quiet, private setting where you both can focus and be present with each other without distractions. 

2. Be prepared: Educate yourself about gambling addiction and the impact it has had on your life. Be prepared to explain your struggle and your plan for recovery.

3. Express your feelings: share your emotions honestly. Explain how your addiction has affected you physically, emotionally, and financially. Your partner should understand the gravity of the situation. 

4.Listen Actively: Encourage your significant other to share their feelings, concerns, and questions. This conversation is a two-way street, and they may have their worries and fears to express.  

5. Offer a plan: Show that you are committed to overcoming your addiction by outlining a concrete plan for recovery. Prove to them you want to take recovery seriously. This might involve seeking professional help, attending support groups or setting financial boundaries.  

6. Seek Professional help: Do not hesitate to involve a therapist, counselor or support group in your recovery process. These resources can provide guidance and structure for both you and your partner. 

What not to do: 

 

1.     Avoid blame: Do not point fingers or blame your significant other for your actions. Instead, focus on your actions and responsibility in dealing with the problem. 

 

2.     Downplay the issue: Minimizing the severity of your gambling addiction can lead to misunderstanding and mistrust. Be honest about the extent of the problem. This is a very serious issue, if taken lightly can also lead to relapse which can then lead to losing the trust of your significant other and the ruin of your relationship. 

 

3.     Make promises you cannot keep: Do not make grand promises about quitting gambling without a realistic plan in place. Your partner needs to see your commitment through consistent actions, not just words. Words do not mean jack squat unless there is action. Make a plan to recover and keep that plan.

 

4.     Expect immediate understanding: Understand that your partner may need time to process the information and may react with shock, anger or confusion. Be patient and allow them space to react. 

 

5.     Sit and do nothing: which Is exactly what I did. Do not push this off. It is a very serious matter that if you do not show you are willing to make an attempt at changing, the might leave. 

Rising Again: Overcoming Relapse in the Journey to Recovery

 May 2022, I had a discussion about my problems with my SO at the time and she lovingly gave me a second chance. I had abstained from gambling for about a month and a half after we had talked about it. During that time of abstinence, I did not think I had a problem. I did not take my recovery seriously and kept doing everything I was doing while active in addiction.  I was able to watch sports but it was not as fun as “getting in on the action”. The recent and only relapse I had was a year long binge. Gambled almost everyday, hiding it from the woman I loved the most. I had it worse this time around. 

By the time I had relapsed. I fell even harder this time. I took out personal loans to pay off credit cards, and used those credit cards to fund my gambling. This went on for almost a whole year. The entire time, I felt numb, the same thing over and over, day after day, night after night. I was trapped in some kind of loop that I thought I would never be able to get out. Until one day, May 7th, 2023 in particular, when I exhausted almost every last penny in my bank account and almost maxed out my credit cards. 

Relapses are a part of the recovery process. A relapse just tells us what does and does not work. We figure out the stuff that works and make it part of our everyday life. Then there is what does not work, or the triggers that caused a lapse in the first place. We have to replace what does not work otherwise we might keep relapsing and not get anywhere in our recovery process.

We have this imaginary recovery tool belt that we use and sometimes, it gets to be too heavy, or not heavy enough. When its too heavy, we are doing too much. That can be dangerous because if we put so much emphasis on certain things, it might cause us to be stressed, and we can go right back to gambling. We can have the same issues the other way around. If we do not have enough in our tool belt and its too light, we can get bored. With boredom, we can be triggered to gamble again. We have to find a way to balance life out. 

So, How Do We Get Back on Track?

It was not overnight. It took a few weeks to figure out how I was going to move on from this. In the early stages, I accepted the fact that I might never be able to gamble again. During those few weeks, I took to the internet to try and understand what was going on inside my brain with YouTube videos, addiction research studies, books about gambling addiction and even went to therapy with a gambling addiction specialist. With therapy came a newfound sense of clarity. I began to understand the underlying reasons behind my addiction—the need for escapism, the thrill of risk-taking, the void I was trying to fill. Armed with this knowledge, I started to develop healthier coping mechanisms, finding alternative ways to deal with stress and anxiety.

Recovery is not just about avoiding gambling; it's about building a life where gambling no longer has a place. Focus on self-care practices that promote well-being, such as exercise, hobbies, meditation, or spending time in nature. These activities can provide you with positive outlets for stress and improve your overall quality of life.

Building a support system around you to fall back on in tough times is important. Surrounding myself with understanding individuals who could offer guidance and solace in moments of weakness became paramount to my recovery. That could include: family, friends, therapist, and most importantly, other individuals going through similar situations. Building that support system is a crucial part of recovery and making sure you stay on the right track to building a great life freed from gambling. 

Recovery is a lifelong journey, one that requires patience, perseverance, and above all, self-compassion. I've come to realize that relapse is not a sign of failure but a natural part of the process, a chance to learn and grow stronger. And so, I continue to take each day as it comes, grateful for the light that guides me out of the darkness. 

Stay grinding, stop gambling. Life gets better. One day at a time.

Responsible Gambling during March Madness

While most of my blogs have been more about abstaining from gambling, tonight, I’m taking a different approach. I can’t tell you to not gamble. You’re all most likely adults and can make that decision on your own whether you will choose to gamble or not. The NCAA tournament is right around the corner, and many millions of people will be watching and gambling on it. If you’re one of them, here are some tips to ensure that your March Madness experience remains fun and responsible.

Tips for responsible gambling: 

Set budget and limits: Before diving into any form of gambling, it's essential to establish a budget that you can afford to lose. Set aside a specific amount of money for your March Madness bets and stick to it. Avoid chasing losses by wagering more than you originally planned.

Limit alcohol intake: Mixing alcohol and gambling can actually be quite a risky combination.

For some people, drinking leads to excessive gambling, while for others, gambling may lead to excessive drinking. It’s hard to know what causes what, and it may vary from person to person.

Take frequent breaks: It's easy to get caught up in the excitement of March Madness, but remember to take breaks and step away from gambling activities when needed. Engage in other activities or spend time with friends and family to maintain balance in your life.

Don’t use credit cards to gamble: Using credit cards for gambling can lead to financial instability, as high interest rates and fees can quickly accumulate, resulting in substantial debt. The detachment from physical money can encourage impulsive behavior and exacerbate gambling addiction. Additionally, the potential legal ramifications and strain on personal relationships further highlight the risks associated with using credit cards for gambling. It's essential to prioritize responsible gambling practices and avoid using credit cards as a funding source for wagers.

Seek support: If you're concerned about your gambling habits or notice signs of problematic behavior, don't hesitate to seek help. There are numerous resources available, including helplines, support groups, and counseling services, that can provide assistance and guidance. Join the "Compulsive Gamblers in Recovery" Discord server if/when you're ready to live bet free life. https://discord.gg/MgGNrkqE

Avoid Impulsive Betting: In the heat of the moment, it's easy to make impulsive bets without considering the potential consequences. Take the time to think rationally before placing any wagers. Avoid betting on every game or chasing long-shot odds in hopes of a big payout.

Ultimately, responsible gambling is about enjoying the excitement of March Madness in a safe and mindful manner. By setting limits, understanding the risks, and prioritizing self-control, you can ensure that your gambling experience remains enjoyable without compromising your well-being. So, as you fill out your brackets and cheer on your favorite teams, remember to play responsibly and keep the focus on the thrill of the game. 

Also….. I-L-L!

Why Compulsive Sports Gamblers Should Avoid March Madness and What to Do Instead

The madness is here. It’s time for the top 68 college basketball teams to vie for 1 trophy and be crowned champion. Last year, I had quite the Cinderella story run myself, only 2nd to San Diego State and Florida Atlantic University’s historic Final four run. But alas, my “hot streak” came to close shortly after the tournament. Its been said, and will always be true, “a win is just a future loss”. 

This year, an estimated 68 million Americans adults are expected to wager ~ $3 billion dollars. However, for us compulsive sports gamblers, this time of the year can be a triggering and challenging time with the tournament around the corner.

The Dangers of Watching March Madness for Compulsive Sports Gamblers:

• Triggering Temptations: The excitement and unpredictability of March Madness can be irresistible to compulsive sports gamblers. Every game presents an opportunity for betting, leading to impulsive and harmful behaviors.

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• Emotional Rollercoaster: March Madness is notorious for its upsets and close games, creating a rollercoaster of emotions for viewers. For compulsive gamblers, this emotional volatility can exacerbate their addictive tendencies, leading to further gambling.

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• Financial Implications: Betting on multiple March Madness games can quickly spiral out of control, resulting in significant financial losses. The allure of quick wins can cloud judgment, leading to reckless betting and financial ruin.

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• Time Consumption: March Madness games are spread across several weeks, consuming large chunks of time for viewers. For compulsive gamblers, this excessive focus on sports can detract from other important aspects of life, including work, relationships, and personal well-being.

Alternative Activities to Avoid March Madness Temptations:

• Find New Hobbies: Engage in activities that divert your attention away from March Madness. Whether it's painting, gardening, cooking, or playing a musical instrument, finding a new hobby can provide fulfillment and distraction.

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• Exercise and Outdoor Activities: Physical activity not only improves your physical health but also boosts your mood and mental well-being. Take advantage of the spring weather by going for a hike, bike ride, or participating in a recreational sports league.

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• Connect with Loved Ones: Use this time to strengthen your relationships with friends and family. Plan social gatherings, movie nights, or game nights that don't revolve around watching sports. Building meaningful connections can provide support and companionship during challenging times.

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• Educational Pursuits: Channel your energy into learning something new. Whether it's enrolling in an online course, reading books on a topic of interest, or attending workshops and seminars, investing in personal development can be both fulfilling and enriching.

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• Seek Support: If you're struggling with compulsive gambling, reach out for professional help and support. Therapy, support groups, and helplines are available to assist individuals in overcoming addiction and reclaiming control over their lives.

March Madness may be an exciting time for sports enthusiasts, but for compulsive sports gamblers, it can pose significant risks to their well-being. By avoiding March Madness games and engaging in alternative activities, individuals can protect themselves from triggering temptations and focus on healthier pursuits. Remember, seeking support is a sign of strength, and there are resources available to help you overcome gambling addiction and lead a fulfilling life. 

Stay grinding, stop gambling. Life gets better. One day at a time.

Unveiling the True Cost of Gambling Addiction: Time, the Currency of Life

 This addiction is so taxing. And thats not just because we have to claim it on our taxes if we win a certain amount. Gambling addiction takes so much from us. Our minds think we’re “investing” but we’re basically just putting lighter fluid on the money and lighting it up. The money will come and go, but the biggest and most important commodity we lose is our time.

Time is a currency more precious than gold, yet we fritter it away in front of slot machines and card tables, or in some of our cases, a TV screen watching sports ball. Hours bleed into days, days into weeks, as we lose ourselves in the seductive whirl of chance and uncertainty. Meanwhile, life marches on without us. While we're glued to screens, hoping for that jackpot, our loved ones grow distant, our careers stagnate, and our dreams wither on the vine.

But why do we do it? Why do we continue to throw good money and precious time after bad, despite knowing the odds are stacked against us? The answer lies in the complex interplay of psychology, biology, and circumstance….SCIENCE. For some of us gambling offers an escape from the harsh realities of life—a brief respite from stress, anxiety, or depression. For others, it's a way to numb the pain of past traumas or mask feelings of inadequacy and low self-worth. And then there are those, who are simply chasing that elusive high—the rush of adrenaline that comes with placing a bet and waiting to see if fate will smile upon us.

But here's the thing: that high is always fleeting. Like a drug addict chasing their next fix, we're forever chasing that elusive rush, pouring more and more of ourselves into a bottomless pit of despair. And just like drugs and alcohol, gambling addiction rewires our brains, hijacking our reward circuits and leaving us craving more, regardless of the consequences.

Beyond the financial ruin and shattered relationships lie the wreckage of broken dreams and wasted potential. We watch helplessly as our hopes and aspirations slip through our fingers, sacrificed on the altar of our addiction. And yet, even in the depths of despair, we cling to the belief that somehow, someday, we'll hit the jackpot and all our problems will vanish in a puff of smoke.

But it's time to face facts: we're playing a rigged game, and the house always wins. No amount of luck or skill can change that fundamental truth. Until we accept that, until we acknowledge our powerlessness in the face of our addiction, we will continue to be its victims, forever chasing shadows and empty promises.

So what's the way out? How do we break free from the cycle of compulsive gambling and reclaim our lives? The first step is admitting that we have a problem and seeking help. Whether it's through therapy, support groups, or professional treatment programs, there are resources available to help us break free from the grip of addiction. But it won't be easy. It will require honesty, courage, and a willingness to confront the demons that drive us to gamble in the first place.

In the end, the true measure of victory lies not in the size of our bank accounts or the number of jackpots we've won, but in our ability to reclaim our time, our dignity, and our humanity. It's a long and difficult journey, but it's one worth taking—for ourselves, for our loved ones, and for all those who have been lost to the insidious allure of compulsive gambling. It's time to stop chasing shadows and start living our lives to the fullest.

If you’re ready to live a life freed from the shackles of gambling addiction, and take the next step, join us in the “Compulsive Gamblers In Recovery” Discord server: https://discord.gg/xZXTFAhm

300 Days Without Gambling: Reflections of a Recovering Addict

For many individuals, gambling isn't just a casual pastime; it's an all-consuming addiction that can wreak havoc on their lives. As someone who struggled with gambling addiction, I embarked on a journey to abstain from gambling. Today marks 300 days. What a journey the past 300 days have been. This blog reflects on the lessons learned, the challenges faced, and the triumphs achieved during this transformative period.

Day 1: The Decision to Change

The first step in any journey of recovery is acknowledging the need for change. For me, the second I walked out of what was our dream apartment, I knew I had to make a change. On day one, I made the conscious decision to break free from the grips of gambling addiction. It wasn't easy. The allure of the sportsbooks and casinos, the thrill of placing bets, and the fleeting hope of a big win lingered in the back of my mind. But I knew that continuing down that path would only lead to more pain and suffering. And possibly even worse. Death.

Days 2-30: Facing Temptation

In the early days of my recovery, temptation was everywhere. Advertisements for casinos and sportsbook applications seemed to pop up everywhere I looked, and the urge to place a bet was a constant battle. But with each passing day, I learned to resist the urge and find healthier outlets for my time and energy. Whether it was spending time with loved ones, pursuing new and old hobbies, or focusing on self-care, I discovered that there were countless ways to find joy and fulfillment without gambling.

Days 31-100: Finding Support

One of the most crucial aspects of my recovery was finding support from others who understood what I was going through. Whether it was attending support group meetings such as SMART Recovery, seeking therapy, or confiding in trusted friends and family members, having a strong support network was instrumental in helping me stay on track. Knowing that I wasn't alone in my struggles gave me the strength and courage to keep moving forward, even when the going got tough.

Days 101-200: Healing and Growth

As the days turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months, I began to notice profound changes taking place within myself. Without the constant stress and anxiety of gambling weighing me down, I felt lighter, freer, and more optimistic about the future. I rediscovered passions and interests that had long been overshadowed by my addiction. With each passing day, I felt myself growing stronger, more resilient, and more confident in my ability to overcome any challenge that came my way.

Days 201-300: Celebrating Milestones

Reaching the 300-day mark without gambling felt like a monumental achievement—one that was worthy of celebration. But more than just marking the passage of time, this milestone served as a reminder of how far I'd come and how much I'd accomplished since embarking on this journey of recovery. While the temptation to gamble may never fully disappear, I now have the tools, the support, and the inner strength to face it head-on and continue living a life free from the grips of addiction. 

As I look back on the past 300 days, I am filled with a sense of pride, gratitude, and hope for the future. While the road to recovery hasn't always been easy, it has been undeniably rewarding. I've learned invaluable lessons about resilience, self-discipline, and the power of human connection. And while my journey is far from over, I am more determined than ever to continue moving forward, one day at a time, on the path to a healthier, happier, and more fulfilling life.

If you have done so already, check out the “Compulsive Gamblers in Recovery” discord server if you’re looking for a supportive community that was founded with the mission to provide a safe and understanding space for those struggling with compulsive gambling. This online community has become a beacon of hope for individuals seeking support and solidarity on their journey to overcome gambling addiction. 

One of the most powerful aspects of the "Compulsive Gamblers in Recovery" Discord server is its emphasis on empathy and non-judgment. Regardless of how dire our situations may seem, members are met with compassion and encouragement rather than condemnation. This culture of acceptance fosters a sense of belonging and empowerment, empowering individuals to confront their addiction head-on.

Moreover, the server provides practical resources and tools to aid in recovery efforts. From tips on managing triggers to information about local support groups and therapy options, members have access to a wealth of knowledge and expertise to help them navigate the challenges of overcoming compulsive gambling.

https://discord.gg/bQac4Xkz