Finding Strength in Honesty: Navigating Recovery and Relationships After Revealing My Gambling Addiction

My last bet date was May 7th, 2023. At that time, my family knew I had dabbled in gambling but not to the extent I was active. Why would they? I hid so much of it from them. They did not know how much debt I got myself into to fund my gambling. It was not until May 8th, when I talked with my mom about my problems first after asking her for money to pay off my credit card. Of course, she did not give me that money. That would have been too easy. We talked about it and finally learned the true reason why my parents divorced many years ago. My dad had similar issues with gambling. So clearly, she had to inform others close to me about those same issues.

This led to me eventually telling my significant other at the time and coming clean to her. When I did tell her, I instantly fell to my knees to ask for forgiveness. I right away gave her access to all my financial accounts, credit cards, and cash. Over the course of the next few days, things definitely started to turn more rocky. The trust was lost. I was defeated. I knew a change needed to be made but I stayed stuck. I did not show her I was willing to make those necessary changes. I kept moving as if nothing happened. Maybe If I had shown her I was making an attempt, she would not have left? They say, “third times a charm” right? Wrong. Few days, and many tears later, she finally told me to leave what was our dream apartment, and that she did not want us anymore.

My friends on the other hand were supportive once I told them. They did not hear about it much until after the break up. But they all helped guide me in a positive light and for that, I am forever grateful. Looking back to the times we would all hang out, I should have known I had an issue when a friend of a friend made a comment about me always being on my phone and in the corner of the room. But I was active in my addiction at the time. Of course, nothing would have come from it, I did not think it was a problem at the time. And now overhearing her say that comment, will forever live on in my head. I am grateful to still have them all in my life.

I am forever grateful for my mom. Opening up to her first made everything easier. She welcomed me home with open arms and has been supportive of everything I have done since. From going to therapy, attending SMART recovery meetings on the weekends away, staying up late at night to write these blogs and giving me a place to live. She has been a big part of my recovery to this point. 

In every healthy and loving relationship, honesty is the bedrock upon which trust is built. However, there are certain topics that can be particularly difficult to broach with a significant other or friends and family, and one of these is a gambling addiction. The fear of judgment, shame and potential consequences can make it tempting to keep such a problem hidden. Nevertheless, we will explore the reasons why it is essential to be open and honest with your loved ones about your gambling addiction.  

Strengthening Trust:

Trust is the foundation of any strong and lasting relationship. Being open about our gambling addiction, even when it is difficult, demonstrates your commitment to transparency and honesty. When your friends and family know that you trust them enough to share your struggles, it can strengthen the trust and bond between you, which can bring you closer together. 

 

Building a strong support system: 

Dealing with a gambling addiction can be an overwhelming and isolating experience. By confiding in them you open the door to building a support system. They can offer emotional support, encouragement, and help you find resources to address your addiction. 

When it comes to talking with your family and friends about these issues, here is a list of what you should do: 

1. Choose the right time and place: Timing Is crucial when discussing sensitive topics such as an addiction. Find a quiet, private setting where you both can focus and be present with each other without distractions. 

2. Be prepared: Educate yourself about gambling addiction and the impact it has had on your life. Be prepared to explain your struggle and your plan for recovery.

3. Express your feelings: share your emotions honestly. Explain how your addiction has affected you physically, emotionally, and financially. Your partner should understand the gravity of the situation. 

4.Listen Actively: Encourage your significant other to share their feelings, concerns, and questions. This conversation is a two-way street, and they may have their worries and fears to express.  

5. Offer a plan: Show that you are committed to overcoming your addiction by outlining a concrete plan for recovery. Prove to them you want to take recovery seriously. This might involve seeking professional help, attending support groups or setting financial boundaries.  

6. Seek Professional help: Do not hesitate to involve a therapist, counselor or support group in your recovery process. These resources can provide guidance and structure for both you and your partner. 

What not to do: 

 

1.     Avoid blame: Do not point fingers or blame your significant other for your actions. Instead, focus on your actions and responsibility in dealing with the problem. 

 

2.     Downplay the issue: Minimizing the severity of your gambling addiction can lead to misunderstanding and mistrust. Be honest about the extent of the problem. This is a very serious issue, if taken lightly can also lead to relapse which can then lead to losing the trust of your significant other and the ruin of your relationship. 

 

3.     Make promises you cannot keep: Do not make grand promises about quitting gambling without a realistic plan in place. Your partner needs to see your commitment through consistent actions, not just words. Words do not mean jack squat unless there is action. Make a plan to recover and keep that plan.

 

4.     Expect immediate understanding: Understand that your partner may need time to process the information and may react with shock, anger or confusion. Be patient and allow them space to react. 

 

5.     Sit and do nothing: which Is exactly what I did. Do not push this off. It is a very serious matter that if you do not show you are willing to make an attempt at changing, the might leave.