May 2022, I had a discussion about my problems with my SO at the time and she lovingly gave me a second chance. I had abstained from gambling for about a month and a half after we had talked about it. During that time of abstinence, I did not think I had a problem. I did not take my recovery seriously and kept doing everything I was doing while active in addiction. I was able to watch sports but it was not as fun as “getting in on the action”. The recent and only relapse I had was a year long binge. Gambled almost everyday, hiding it from the woman I loved the most. I had it worse this time around.
By the time I had relapsed. I fell even harder this time. I took out personal loans to pay off credit cards, and used those credit cards to fund my gambling. This went on for almost a whole year. The entire time, I felt numb, the same thing over and over, day after day, night after night. I was trapped in some kind of loop that I thought I would never be able to get out. Until one day, May 7th, 2023 in particular, when I exhausted almost every last penny in my bank account and almost maxed out my credit cards.
Relapses are a part of the recovery process. A relapse just tells us what does and does not work. We figure out the stuff that works and make it part of our everyday life. Then there is what does not work, or the triggers that caused a lapse in the first place. We have to replace what does not work otherwise we might keep relapsing and not get anywhere in our recovery process.
We have this imaginary recovery tool belt that we use and sometimes, it gets to be too heavy, or not heavy enough. When its too heavy, we are doing too much. That can be dangerous because if we put so much emphasis on certain things, it might cause us to be stressed, and we can go right back to gambling. We can have the same issues the other way around. If we do not have enough in our tool belt and its too light, we can get bored. With boredom, we can be triggered to gamble again. We have to find a way to balance life out.
So, How Do We Get Back on Track?
It was not overnight. It took a few weeks to figure out how I was going to move on from this. In the early stages, I accepted the fact that I might never be able to gamble again. During those few weeks, I took to the internet to try and understand what was going on inside my brain with YouTube videos, addiction research studies, books about gambling addiction and even went to therapy with a gambling addiction specialist. With therapy came a newfound sense of clarity. I began to understand the underlying reasons behind my addiction—the need for escapism, the thrill of risk-taking, the void I was trying to fill. Armed with this knowledge, I started to develop healthier coping mechanisms, finding alternative ways to deal with stress and anxiety.
Recovery is not just about avoiding gambling; it's about building a life where gambling no longer has a place. Focus on self-care practices that promote well-being, such as exercise, hobbies, meditation, or spending time in nature. These activities can provide you with positive outlets for stress and improve your overall quality of life.
Building a support system around you to fall back on in tough times is important. Surrounding myself with understanding individuals who could offer guidance and solace in moments of weakness became paramount to my recovery. That could include: family, friends, therapist, and most importantly, other individuals going through similar situations. Building that support system is a crucial part of recovery and making sure you stay on the right track to building a great life freed from gambling.
Recovery is a lifelong journey, one that requires patience, perseverance, and above all, self-compassion. I've come to realize that relapse is not a sign of failure but a natural part of the process, a chance to learn and grow stronger. And so, I continue to take each day as it comes, grateful for the light that guides me out of the darkness.
Stay grinding, stop gambling. Life gets better. One day at a time.
No comments:
Post a Comment