DAY THREE SIXTY SIX

 This year was a leap year….had to wait an extra day to get to this point. BUT WE MADE IT. Only a small milestone but one year without gambling is still a great feat no matter what. The last few days might have been a little rocky (if you haven’t yet, check out my latest blog). I WAS NOT TRIGGERED AT ALL. Of course, sports gambling was my downfall. While I was a gambler during my previous times in Vegas, It was so close to my 1 year mark, I knew I could not and DID NOT want to go back to that crap. (I was never much of a table game player so I actually mean crap and not crap(s)). Of course not, why would I. It ruined everything I wanted/ needed in life. It destroyed me. 

I remember my last bet like it was yesterday (although it was May 7th, 2023). I tried moving money around so fast that it did not matter to me as long as I was able to get a bet in. 76ers vs Celtics. My mom, her boyfriend, my significant other and I at the time all were in Holland Michigan for the Tulip Festival. We went to a flea market which was part of the Festival to look around. While my mom and significant other were off looking at stuff, I had my head buried in my phone, off to the side where all the picnic benches were, watching the box score of the game rooting on my bets. Did not even care about the game, I just cared that I turned that last $10 into something. In hindsight, what I should have done was hold my girlfriend's hand and walk around with her and my mom. Spending time with the people I care about the most. I think that's what we miss the most when we look back on the past. Spending valuable time with the people we care about and love deeply.

Do I remember the game? No. The game did not matter. To me at the time, I just wanted a chance to win money. For what? It would've been gone anyways had I won. If it did hit, I would’ve probably increased my next bet to try and win more money that would’ve just done the same. The never ending cycle of winning and losing it all. Losing it all this time, meant losing it all, possibly forever.

As it has been said, recovery looks different for everyone. What works for one, might not work for another.

So, what work(s) for me? 

Self exclusion: 

Self excluding yourself from the casino or sportsbooks is a huge step.  By self-excluding you're telling the casino/ sportsbooks you know you have a problem and are not allowing yourself to gamble anymore. These laws vary by state as well as the maximum amount of time you can self-exclude. Some states such as Illinois consider it a lifetime ban. However after 5 years, you can remove yourself from the ban list. If you plan to reverse the exclusion, it will take many hoops to jump through in order for that to happen.  However, for other states, it's kind of like a slap on the wrist, one to five years banned and your self-ban is lifted. I have some issues about this as after the ban is lifted, the compulsive gambler can just go right back to their old ways once again and not learn anything from the first time. Basically, just passing time until that ban gets lifted and right back to old habits. Build a life where gambling does not and will never fit again in your life. 

Support groups: Find a group where you feel you belong. Find a group of people who understand what you’re going through. If you can not find them. Create one. And that's exactly what I did with the “Compulsive Gamblers in Recovery'' Discord server. I created an area for other humans (and yes, I said humans. We’re not perfect. We have flaws. We did horrible things but that does not make us horrible people) struggling with gambling addiction looking to recover and live a life freed from the shackles of gambling. This space continues to grow daily which I am extremely grateful for. The more reach to other gamblers looking to change their lives the better. Soon we will start having weekly calls. I will probably start those up in the next month or so. If any of this feels of interest to you, feel free to join here: https://discord.gg/Kj3TVVuq

Reddit: 

When I started writing blogs, one site I took to was Reddit. The r/problemgambling page has been crucial for my recovery. Reading from some 27k other people about their problems with gambling and their story made me realize I am not alone in this fight. There are many people from all walks of life with similar issues. It made me feel better knowing others shared similar hardships. Which is why I think it’s important for others to share their stories as well. 

Technology: 

The Evive app has been crucial to my recovery from gambling addiction. One of my favorite pieces of the app is the educational modules. Knowledge is power and educating others about gambling addiction helps empower them to take control of their recovery journey. The community has been great also. As many of us know, this disease is one of the most secretive of all addictions and makes us feel alone at times. The community aspect of the app allows us to know, we are not alone. There are many other individuals who have been or are going through similar issues we have been facing and allow us to help others as well. I can not wait to see what more this app can do for individuals looking to build a healthier relationship with gambling or recovering from gambling addiction.

Education:

Educating yourself about gambling addiction and how it affects you should be on your recovery lists. Education plays a pivotal role in addressing gambling addiction. It equips us with the knowledge and awareness to know what signs to watch for in ourselves and others. When we try to fully understand the psychological and behavioral aspects of addictions, as well as the consequences it can have on our lives and relationships, education empowers us to seek help and support when we need it most. When we educate ourselves and others, it provides us with access to resources and treatment options, ensuring others that those affected get the help they need to overcome this addiction. By promoting awareness, prevention and early intervention, education is critical.

Getting back in the gym: 

Before I developed a gambling addiction, I was fairly active and frequented the gym. Getting back to doing stuff I loved before I developed a gambling addiction has been a crucial part of my recovery so far. Working up a sweat at the gym is far better than “sweating out” some stupid parlay that 9 times out of 10, will not hit. Might as well light your money on fire. Over the course of the last 7-8 months, I have managed to drop nearly 40 pounds. Eventually I would like to get back to where I was during my college days at around 165-170. 30 pounds to go! Exercising not only makes you look good, but feel good too. For most of us, gambling made us “feel good”. Replace that dopamine chase with the high of getting in a good workout 3-4 times per week. I guarantee you, you’ll look good and feel better in no time. 

What was sacrificed the last 366 days to get here?

Watching sports all the time. Sports are now being ruined by gambling. We see in the news almost weekly to this point how athletes are gambling on their own sport, even their own team! Basically throwing games to win more money, when they’re already making more money than the common folk. It’s not that we can not watch sports ever again. As compulsive sports gamblers, we should be able to get to a place where sports does not run our lives. Avoiding sports for a few seasons allows us to focus more on other things that matter with recovery and our daily lives. 

With that being said, I have slowly started to get back to watching sports (lets be real, I could not stay away forever from it) The big reintroduction to sports again was the Super Bowl. (between you and me, the real reason was our queen Taylor). Then, I only watched a weekend of the March Madness tournament because my school made it farther than they have in the past few years. (I-L-L!) 

While I was active in addiction, I remember watching YouTube “Influencers” gamble at Las Vegas casinos. Only now did it dawn on me they were probably paid by the casinos to gamble there to get more people in the doors thinking “oh, (insert gambling influencer here) won that handpay at this casino, on this machine. That could be me one day”. Only for them to lose a good bit before even coming close to winning large. It was a big waste of time. Stupid. It was just plain stupid. 

Drinking alcohol. While I was not a big drinker, I, just like many of us, do stupid shit while consuming alcohol. As of today, I have 288 days since my last drop of alcohol. When we have any kind of addiction, it is easier to develop addictions to other substances. Not drinking alcohol has also allowed me to have a clearer mind when it comes to daily activities. As previously mentioned, I was just in Vegas over the weekend. First time in nearly a decade that I did not drink or gamble while in Vegas. It was truly a blessing. 

Continuing to ignore underlying issues. I hid my gambling, just like I hid how I was feeling. I wanted to be “strong”. Or at least seem like I knew what I was doing. I had applied to Veterinary school for a good four cycles. Declined each cycle without any interviews. I fell into a bout of depression and slight burn out. I did not tell my close support system because I was afraid they would think less of me. Think less of me as a man who could not keep fighting for his dream. Eventually I went out and seeked help and support through therapy. Therapy has been great because it helped get to the main root of the problem. I was able to use different coping mechanisms to replace the gambling. 

The last 366 days have been quite a trip. A full year of winning. Daily. Winning Daily. 

Please enjoy this photo I took of my cat I shared with my previous partner, Zinnia. I miss them both so much but I love this photo for one reason: “Future You says Thanks”. If you stop gambling today, future you, and your loved ones will thank you for taking back control of your life. I miss and love you Zinny 😘

Stay grinding, stop gambling. Life gets better. One day at a time.